I♥U

2010-11-27T04:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I feel very useless right now. I do not know how should I describe it, but I am very sad and depressed. It just seems like I can't do anything right for my studies. I swear I am really trying my best to do well, but I always found myself struggling to get through all of it. I am really at a lost as what should I do and how should I do it. I always tell myself don't think too much and just do a lot of work and I will definitely find an answer to what and how. But it always do not turn out that way... Many people told me that I can do it, but I know it myself that it is not that easy. I really did tried, I swear, but I am always lost... Sighs...., tell me what should I do to be better in my studies and not always being lost and don't know this and don't know that??

2010-07-04T04:22:00.005+08:00

They are the people who made my day.. They never fail to make me smile and brightens my days greatly. Even by looking at the group photos, it really makes me smile no matter how sad I am right now... I love you peepos to the max!!

2010-06-15T04:09:00.002+08:00

It's Tuesday now and school is going to start real soon... I really wish for a even longer holidays now... ="( 5 weeks of holiday is really not enough at all! Well, I know I know! Cannot be too greedy right?! Cause the other half of the class only have a week of holiday whereas I've got 5 weeks. I should consider myself lucky though.

On the other hand, family matter is still in chaos. I wonder when will it all be resolved, especially grandmama. Please get well soon... Sighs. ='(

2010-06-09T04:42:00.003+08:00

i am feeling very confused right now... so so confused that i couldn't sleep at all... there are so many things that i want to say but yet i don't know where to start from... i really wish that i could express myself right now and put down this big and heavy stone off my shoulder...

things have not been going well at all ever since grand mom mom fell down... on that day when she fell down i wasn't there to help her and when i saw her she had bruises on her face and a fractured arm. all she could do was lying on the bed and could barely walk around like she used to be... it really breaks my heart so much upon seeing her in this state. it felt so helpless and yet i know i couldn't cry in front of her. all this while i have failed to realise how much she have aged. few days ago, grand mom mom fell down again. not once by thrice in the midnight. i was the first to rush to grand mom and helped her when she fell for the first time but i wasn't there for the second and the third... nobody even knew grand mom mom fell again... maid didn't informed us immediately at all.. if only i stayed up awake a little while more longer, grand mom mom could not have fell for the third time already... and now grand mom mom was hospitalised and had her hip bone fractured and a blood clot in the brain. i just wanna be grand mom mom's good grand children and stay home look after di di so grand mom mom could recuperate fast...

apart from this, just what exactly is love all about? the love i thought should be turns out to be not what i'm expecting at all as times goes by. is love all about possession? all this while i have neglected so many things..., i swear. i just wanna make up to it... my family, my friends, my studies and myself... i just wanna be myself and not being some one which people want me to be... i wanna live life to the fullest without regrets... but that wasn't all......... sighs...

2010-05-25T00:58:00.002+08:00

Looking at these photos reminds me of all the good old times I had with my friends and besties. They have made up the most happiest moment in my life. Too bad I have already lost the photos I took together with my besties. ='( I really misses those moments badly where I can laugh out deeply from within my heart and not being someone that everyone wants me to be. Everything have changed so much within 4 years. Drastic changes that I have failed to realised until now. I have changed, my surroundings have changed, the people I know have changed too. I have lost being myself within the 4 years and now, I just wanna be myself and laugh out from deep within my heart... I want back all those happy and crazy moments, especially with my childhood friends (BGPS Peeps!) and my long lost bestie... ... To my dear long lost bestie, you should know who you are. Even though we have only spent 2 years together, but those are the moments which I treasure and enjoy the most even till now though we are no longer that close anymore... Sighs... Just what have happened?? I do not why either... ='(

2010-04-28T20:38:00.004+08:00

There is this something that is wrong with me which no words can actually describe it... It beats me to the max, I swear. Just what exactly is wrong with me, I wonder...; I ponder... But it just seems like there isn't any answer to it... Maybe there is an answer to it, but it seems like I'm running away from it... I don't know.
&& Thank you for your listening ear.
&& Never ever forget our lil secret, alright?
Pillars ♥♥...

Anyway, school is driving me crazy so fast. Well, I know I'm exaggerating things a bit. But hey, how not to go crazy and pulling my hair off my scalp when I have 4 bloody essay to complete by this Thursday, which is tomorrow, for FOM? && P, refused to approve me to drop my elective. Fuck it!
FOM + P = U FML

Just exactly, when will the rain ever stop??
I'm falling like a domino now...

2010-04-12T02:33:00.007+08:00

I don't know why, but I'm feeling very indifferent. It really makes me wonder a lot just why it turns out to be this way. Just what exactly is wrong with me? What do I really want? I don't have a answer and I don't even know. Many thoughts are running through my mind at the moment right now. I just don't know where to start from. I just felt that as day goes by, I'm starting to get immune, neglected and unloved. It is not like you have been treating me very badly..., but instead, I don't have enough of it and I need more. Was it me that is selfish and self-centered or was it you that is not giving me enough? Everyday without fail, you always told me about beautiful things. Just why? I know you love to admire beautiful things... But why tell me and ask me about my perspective? Maybe you just wanna share, but have you not realised my reactions and replies is getting sarcastic, nonchalant and blunt? I doubt you realised it cause you asked me everyday about it... How about me telling you about beautiful things too? What would you do? I felt so hurt and inferior every time when you admire beautiful things. In case you have no idea let me tell you this, I have very very poor appetite this few days. It is ridiculously poor that I am seeing some old symptoms in me again. I know you are currently very busy with your portfolio and rushing to finish it. But I still need a little care from you. Even 1 short message from you can already make me happy, I swear. But it made me feel so vague. Sighs...

Sighs..., I'm missing you badly now....

2010-04-08T03:26:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm breaking down again. I had a big fight with ♥ just now and I swear it sucks to the very max. I know ♥ care for me a lot, I know he do. Getting all worried for me the whole day yesterday cause I wasn't feeling well with bad and horrible headaches and cramps. Dropping me sms-es and msn-ing me with love and care. All I did was turned him off... ♥ also tried his best to keep me all accompanied during the day before he went to work in the evening and after his work in the midnight. All ♥ want is to pamper me for a bit..., and yet I turned him off again. I know I'm a very bad girl.... But ♥, don't you realised that I am much more dependent on you? I'm just too afraid to think of all those "what if". I know we both know the truth clearly deep down in our heart..., yet that's the thing which I feared the most. I'm too afraid to think of what if you're not around by my side anymore? What am I supposed to do? How I'm going to live my days without you? Who is going to hug me when I'm feeling alone and sad? Where will that familiar face of yours be which I misses. That very presence of yours...., I really don't even dare to think about it. But yet crying is all I can fucking do when I think about all this question... I know it's ridiculous and unreasonable of me to tell you that "♥, I want you to be by my side forever till we both grow old..." But..., can't I be wilful just for this and ♥, you give in to me? All I ever do is fucking cry and turned you off and that's all because I don't know how to put it to you... I can't even bring myself to face it..., face all this... I can't be prepared for it..., I can't... I didn't want to argue, fight or even quarrel with you. Afraid that it would only lead to the same conclusion we used to had in the past for several times. Just too afraid, my ♥. Don't you get it? That's why I did all I could to avoid argues, fights and quarrels. I wouldn't mind if ♥ don't pamper me at all..., I really don't. I just want ♥ to be by my side always, and never to take a step away from me... I want ♥ to be still kicking alive some where where I can see and feel... Just that I'm more than contented. Besides that I can don't want anything from you, ♥.

Yours sincerely,
JW

2010-04-07T22:53:00.006+08:00

I happen to found these photos which I have took before Billy went to Seattle. Awwww. We all had lots of fun that day.... Hilarious, yet ridiculous day with the 3 funny peepos around. =D

2010-03-30T22:59:00.002+08:00

When will you ever understand? Why do you always love telling me all those things that I don't wish to hear? Just why? So what if it is the fact? So what? Big fuck? I just don't like the fact that you keep on telling me everything about your health. I fucking hate it, just fucking hate it, I swear. Now that we are getting better, why do you still keep on telling me about the conclusion? So, please don't ruin everything..., just don't... Alright? I love you. Smoochies.

Going to meet my darling tomorrow. Awwww, I can't wait! I have so much to tell her and I bet it's gonna be a fun fun day with her!

2010-03-26T00:32:00.006+08:00

Our love doesn't even matter to anybody or anyone at all. This is because whatever that me and ♥, we both have done together; been put through together; or gone through together, no mere third party can interfere nor care nor comment about us. For this does not even concern any of you people, so mind your own f**king business and don't poke your nose into our problems. We don't need any mere nobody to care and we will never entertain anymore requests to help others in their own relationships besides ours. This is simply because, it's none of your f**king business. I don't need some other guy to treat me like a sister, for I have already got a lot of siblings, and with my lovely ♥ with me. Besides that, "someone" need to be taught a lesson of the way he makes each story. Besides friends have taken note of his area and letting them decide on him.
Oh dear, may his heart problem, help solve the problem for him.
Awwww~~~~

You should drop dead & rot

2010-02-28T05:05:00.001+08:00

Hey, I know you are consistently reading and I specially dedicate this just for you. Yes, it's just for you only, and nobody else! So read it properly and get it into your empty skull. =D Anyway, you know what?? I bet that you totally have no idea how much I feel like strangling you to death now! Surprising right? Why would I feel like strangling you to death now, instead of thinking of you every time?? In case you are wondering this and totally have no idea/totally clueless/puzzled... ... Let me tell you this, you're such an ass hole, jerk, bastard, disgusting, fugly, hypocrite! After so long..., a total of 5 years, have I finally see your fugly true colors. *Slaps myself for that* You're the first person whom made me feel so regretted. Definitely not because I let you go, but instead I'm fucking happy I did that. I regretted why I am such an idiot for tolerating you for almost a year. *Slaps myself for that again* Cause you're such a jerk who practices hypocrisy.

You have such a lousy character, practising hypocrisy. Go rot and die!
You have a fugly behaviours, acting all cocky and smart. Ccb!
You have a disgusting attitude. Forever thinking that you are always in the right and throwing tantrum as and when you like. Fuck off!
You have totally no idea how fugly you are and thinks so fucking highly of yourself, going around trying to be a playboy, acting cute. Please, FOR Goddam's sake, you're fucking disgusting and ugly. Look at yourself in the mirror!
You're so fucking immature. Always making minor things looks so dramatic. Grow up, zygote!
You're fucking childish. Giving all kinds of lousy excuses and reasons to cover up your ass! Try harder next time, ass hole!
You're so disgustingly cheap. Going around promoting and selling yourself, telling people how fucking noble you are. For God's sake, be mature! You bastard.
You're such a poser! Trying to act as though you're caring, For God's sake, you're just trying to be be immature and nosey.Sticking your nose into every body's problem! Scram and fuck off! You should rot and die seriously
You're so fucking thick-skinned, in case you don't know. Assuming that every one have yet to move on and getting back on track with life and lamenting for the lost of you? Please! Maybe I should get my penknife and help trim your fucking thick skin, so that you can be much more self-conscious!

Let me tell you this, I love my boyfriend and he means a lot to me. Compared to you, you're nothing but just a piece of trash, a junk, a nuisance, a jerk, a bastard, a ass hole! None of us here like you very much for you information. Whatever I've wrote have nothing to do with you, besides this post which I specially dedicate it for you. Yes, just for you only! Fuckingly wake up, and open up wide, your fucking eyes! The world does not only revolve around you, so get this facts right! So stop thinking and assuming that we still care and love you. Stop deceiving yourself and using our names to instill jealousy on other girls. You're only making yourself look like a plain stupid, idiotic bastard. I seriously thank God, for breaking your wrist. This is your retribution for not being able to do your sports as fluently as before for disrespecting a lady. But yes, you are also able to use this situation to your advantage by deceiving other lades for their sympathy for you and trying to hook them up. And I am impressed! And I am so glad I listened to my friends advice and did not fall into your lousy trap again. We ladies will never fall for your lousy trap anymore. Neither will us entertain you, showing you sympathy. You brought all of this to yourself. I believe everybody will get to see your true colors, it's just only the matter of time... Last but not least, get yourself out of my life, out of my sight. Don't be such thick-skinned and intrude my life. Have more self-conscious, you bastard.

2010-02-26T17:35:00.007+08:00

Dear Diary,
I'm feeling very complicated. Tell me what should I do now. We always quarrel over something silly, something minute. When will we ever stop quarrelling and get along nicely, understanding each other? Or was it that we are really not compatible at all? I know he don't like it when I dropped by at his place at a late hour after 12 hours of work without resting and I'm all fatigue and tired. But I just wanna see him after that long hours of works and make him happy, can't? I know he care, I do know. But why can't he just phrase it nicely to me, instead of saying he don't even want to see me and don't even need me to dropped by at all?? I felt so upset, so so upset that I almost cried in front of him but I didn't. I tried talking to him too, no matter how upset i was. I deliberately made an extra trip just to see him, hoping to make him happy and not being told off that way... ... If I didn't made a trip down, he'll be disappointed and sad. And if I made a trip down, he'll get angry at it and told me off... Diary, tell me, what should I do so that it's a win-win situation?

="(

Signing off
JW

2010-02-22T02:42:00.004+08:00

Okay I know I'm very slow but yes, P1 is finally over and 3 cheers for it!
HIP HIP HOORAY x3! =D
And of course, not forgetting Happy Chinese New Year peepos!!

Well, what a way to end P1 with another 2 new modules up. There should be a holiday after P1 for us to rest. After all its 2 months of hell and torture, and there isn't sufficient amount of rest! Didn't they ever heard of this phrase “休息，是为了要走更长远的路。” (in order to proceed further, one must first rest) Tsk tsk! Wonder what they are thinking while planning the timetable. Duhh~~, we are design students, a.k.a. humans, and not superheros! -.-. 2 days of rest is seriously not enough! New block, new modules and I gave it a missed since I'm feeling dizzy since yesterday. And worst of all, first day of new modules, received calls and assigned with work to do. WTF?!

Many things have happened recently and life was in a total mess. At least things have cleared up for now I guess, and I'm a happy girl! ♥ have also been trying his best to make me a happy girl since last week.He sacrifice his sleep and helped me with my work for the very first time and bring me out on sight-seeing etc. Hence I can't let all his effort go to waste..., so... everyday Ima be a happy girl just for him. =D Last but not least, ♥ I'm sorry for the past 2 days... I really really do appreciate everything you've done and all your effort you've putted in for me. I love you. =D
♥♥♥

2010-02-09T22:58:00.003+08:00

Had a very short talk with sweet girl a few hours back. During the talk, she reminds me the feeling of being cared for. Ever since we got together, I literally forgot that kind of feeling. She made me look back and I realised that all this while, I am the one showing love and care, yet not receiving any back. It actually made me feeling very sad now. I know this posts is very random, but still I can't control it. I felt very neglected all of a sudden. Even though we have been spending quite amount of time together for the past few months, but till now I can't feel any care from you. Sometimes I just wonder if you really care and love... Maybe you did just that I couldn't feel it; or you didn't...

A friend told me this "If you truly love someone, you will do any thing for them and you will never ask anything in return from them." This sentence is true, BUT only to a certain extend. Yes, I love you and I have done so many things for you. But at times, I just felt hurt by the way you treat me. Some times when I talked to you, you would just give me a sarcastic remark. All I could do is just give you a silly smile... You can make me wait for you while I can't cause you will start grumbling how long I made you waited... You can talk to me with only "...", while I can't cause you will start thinking that I don't want to talk to you or see you etc.... When you're sick, I can stay up all night and go over to your place early in the morning to look after you, or even staying till late night coaxing you to sleep. While I was having bad cramps and was in pain, you told me to go get ice-creams... And even looking after you while I'm sick badly myself... You know that I care for you so much and always worrying for you, yet you could still skip meals, eating and drinking all kinds of things, telling me how much you wanna smoke, etc...

Up till now I can still tell that you have no idea what you could do to hurt me, making me sad. Some times I just wished that you could really show more care, treat me better and most importantly stop doing all those things which is bad for you... But I doubt you will ever listen at all... I just feel like crying now... Sighs...

JW, FUCKING WAKE UP PLEASE!!! YOU GOTTA CONCENTRATE ON P1 NOW! *SLAPS*

Sweet girl, I love you

2010-02-09T05:06:00.003+08:00

Sweet love, everything will be fine, alright? Gimme a call when you need a listening ear cause I'm always here for you. So cheer up~ Meet up soon too, okay?

It's currently 5.09a.m. Correct, your eyes did not fail you. It's 5.09 in the morning and I have yet to turn in to bed. Gosh, I'm feeling tired but I'm not sleeping. I have tons of work to do. For the past 3 days I have only finish 1 space for my model. Anand the most frustrating thing was that, M BLOODY MODEL CAN'T STAND! So I have decided to edit a bit and it is now considered almost done, just that I need a base. 1 space done, 2 more space and a site model to go for this coming Friday submission. Hope I can finish it either on Wednesday or Thursday. So I will have time to draw my sections and elevation with the model as references. Also not forgetting my portfolios. After P1, I'm so going to hate making wood models. It's just a pain in the ass, I swear! Should I do my work in school or at home later? How how how??

An hour plus more before going to meet for ♥ breakfast.

"TO-DO-LIST"
Models
-Final /Mock Model with Site
-Final/Mock Part Model of design – enlarged (if any)

Drawings
-Plans (completed draft)
-Elevations
-Sections

Visuals
-photographs of models
-Sketchup 3D model (if any)
-Perspectives if any

Images
-reference images (completed)
-activities
-materials & finishes
-precedent studies (if any)(completed)
-parti diagrams (completed)
-concept sketches
-the painting (completed)
-the comic strip (completed)

Gotta do 1 model with site by this Friday, draw architectural drawings; more sketches; and storyboarding within the whole holiday. JW, JIA YOU!

2010-02-07T07:20:00.003+08:00

It's early in the morning 7.22 now. I didn't woke up early, instead I didn't sleep throughout the night at all. I'm feeling so tired. My arms, fingers, eyes, back, every part of my body is aching and full of fatigue. Even my nails are crying out in pain. -.-
Model making just sucks to the core...
I want my holiday like now. Yes, NOW! But after this 2 weeks there are still another block to go. Darn, how cruel can this be? Being tormented physically and mentally for consecutive 2 months and yet there is still school for another month. In total, consecutive 3 months of tormenting.

Counting down: 5 more days for final model submission and 11 more days to go for portfolios and storyboarding submissions.

我现在只希望能快点雨过天晴。。。
可以吗？

2010-02-05T21:31:00.003+08:00

Saw this really cute student group in facebook. Read the description and it's very epic yet quite true.

You know you're an architecture student when...

...you know the janitors by name.
...your roommates say "good morning," and you reply "good night."
...you carry a toothbrush in your backpack.
...someone asks you for your phone number and you give them the studios.
...you start paying rent for your desk space in studio.
...You total up 3 meals of the day to your breakfast.
...'Red Bull' is you favorite drink.
...all of the Christmas gifts you give are wrapped in trace.
...you ask Santa Clause for architecture supplies.
...you ask Santa Clause for a sleeping bag.
...after all of your expenses, you can't afford to pay attention
...you have 3 or more cups of double shot coffee espressos in one night
...you hear the same song on the radio 3 or more times in one night.
... You know the different taste between UHU and Pritt glue
... You can stay alive without sunlight, communicate with people nor having foods but you would commit suicide if the plotter doesn't plot your work out
...the only sleep you get is in your G. E. classes.
...construction workers are already working.
...You've lost your house key and u realized week later
...you sleep more than 16 hrs at weekends
...u dance madly at 3 am though u aren't drunk
...you note smt with yr drafting pen or yoken
... You are an expert and Photoshop, illustrator and auto cad
but u don't know how to use MS excel
...you've got 2 subjects / day but u got to study it whole day
...you spend more time in studio than in your own bed.
...your parents are complaining that you're not having enough fun.
...you only leave studio to buy supplies.
...you haven't taken a shower in a week.
...you see showering as a waste of time.
...you've ever dreamt about your models.
...upon hearing 'supermodel', you think of a nicely crafted-foam core model.
...your parents have more of a social life than you.
...your 14-year-old brother has more of a social life than you.
...you consider using broccoli for your models.
...you enjoy hanging out at 'Home and Garden Fair'.
...you know all the 24-hour food places in the area.
...your friends get more sleep in one night than you do in one week.
...the streetlights turn off.
..You consider 3AM an early night.
...when you are out at 3AM, and people knows where you're at.
...everything you eat comes in single serving baggies.
...the idea of a 24 hour 'Kinko's' make's perfect sense
...smoking sounds appealing.
...you're out on Friday nights in studio.
...the only building on campus with its lights on is your studios'.
...you say "It's only midnight- I have plenty of time to finish."
...you confuse sunrise with sunset.
...you ask what time it is, then ask "AM or PM?"
...you strangle your roommate because she said she stayed up late studying.
...your Friday night is 68 hours long.
...you know how much a cubic foot of concrete weighs (150lbs).
...you slice your finger, and the first thing you think of is if you'll be able to finish your model.
...you understand why architects have glasses and white hair.
...You call some great architects as if they are you friends. err... Frank... Tadao.
...you swear there are only 120 people at USC.
...you know all of these are true, no exaggerations.
...you can listen to all your CD's in one night.
...certain songs remind you of studio.
...you change the style of music to country coz u r fed up with POP
...Sister's favorite brand names are Prada DNKY etc... But yours are Mastex, Staedtler, pentel, rotring
...you dare not to have a gf/bf coz no one can accept for what u are
...you can conceptually compose the food on your plate.
...you think the 'Weekender' happens every weekend.
...upon hearing 'Weekends' you think of sleep.
...the 'Shop Cafe' closes when you arrive, and reopens before you leave studio.
...you have to wait for breakfast shops to open.
...you go to the food shop, and order the "usual", and they understand.
...you use architecture tools to eat.
...you only buy groceries once a month.
...you wake up to go to school and you're already there.
...you start wearing all black.
...you have no life, and admit it.
...you start to critique a radio selection's selection of songs.
...you bring your friends to studio to keep you company.
...you refer to outside studio as the "Real World."
..."going out to eat" is at the 'Shop Cafe'.
...going on a vacation involves going to 'Flax' or 'Pearl'.
...you confuse today and tomorrow.
...you tell time by when other people leave studio.
...you can write a 6-page term paper by procrastinating.
...you hear "Didn't you wear that yesterday?' followed by "and the day before that?"
...you roommate files a Missing Person Report.
...you count the number of days (not hours) you've been awake.
...you think days are 48 hours long.
...you go to the store to buy a six-pack of 'Red Bull'.
..."Homecoming" happens once a term.
...on Halloween, you dress like your instructors.
...on Halloween you trick-or-treat in studio to get arch supplies or 'Red Bull.'
..."respect", "coolness', and "hatred" are all based on how much sleep you get, or lack of.
...you see your own picture on a milk carton.
...you start using words your instructor uses.
...your bed has collected a layer of dust on it.
...concept of time is not forward, but a countdown from the time a project is due ("What time is it?""4 hours 'till").
...you contemplate suicide 3 times a day.
...you contemplate dropping your major 3 times a day.
...you have a tent pitched in studio, but still don't go to sleep.
...doing models all night long excites you.
...you know the people in the studio better then your roommates
...Drimmels are a lifelong investment, if you can keep the parts.
...Gesso is pointless.
...The roof, Atkinson Hall, at 4 AM -- nothing like it.
...X-acto knives can be dangerous... as we all know or will find out.
...Beer pyramids AND Red Bull pyramids are some of our late-night late projects.
...Elmer's glue doesn't dry quick -- not even close.
...They know the phrase "Always done, never done" all too well and wish the professors would stop saying it
...They can always have more construction lines.
...They know the number and price of their favorite item in the snack machine downstairs, as well as every other item and all the drinks in the other two machines.
...And if you have been drunk while in the studio working on a project, join the club.
...they believe they should be paid just for having the major
...you drink more in studio than you do when you're out
...you have sent messages on aim to another jackass architecture student in the same room as you are
...you think "X-Acto Blade Throwing" is a sport.
...you have 3 or more 'Mountain Dews' in one night
...you spend more time in studio than with your wife.
..."scoring" involves an X-Acto blade
...you don't find out who wins the Presidential Election until Thanksgiving Break, if you get one at all.
...a break consists of moving your car.
...you've memorized you favorite vending machine combination item (B6).
...you use your T-square or straight edge as a baseball bat.
....the day has 2 sunrises.
....you test which glue will cause your model to burn faster.
....when you tell people you major in "architorture"
...U can't draw without listening to music!
...when people tell you that they like walking around with you because you see things know one else does.
...when you don't understand how someone doesn't strategize their way through traffic (or everything else in life).
...when someone says "icon" and you think of Louis I. Kahn.
...when someone says "eye candy" and you think of gratuitous details on a building.
...when you use words like "gratuitous".
...when you have to use spellchecker to see if you spelled "gratuitous" right.
... When you're not sure what day of the week it is
... When you have slept straight through a day and into the next day after a final review
... When lack of sleep makes you feel and act as if you are high
... When any flat surface is seen as a place to take a nap (underneath the tables in the computer room (that's where it is the warmest), in hallways, on drafting boards
... When a relationship with an upperclassman seems like a good idea because they might be able to help you on your project
... When a relationship with an underclassman seems like a good idea because their final review is before yours and therefore, they can help you produce once they are finished
... When the books that you read consist primarily of photographs and not so much of words
... When you have to ask your fellow architects to give you wake up calls
... When you have three or more alarm clocks in your room.
... When cutting yourself with an x-acto seems like a good idea because it will give you an excuse for not having finished your work
... When you go to studio and spend more time socializing than doing work
... When you have big enough balls to tell a critique that they are wrong
... When everyone in studio hates you because you are the one who plays their music too loudly
... When after playing your music too loudly the same people who hated you start to take interest in your music
... When you have developed an addiction to buying new albums, because you have gotten sick of all your old ones
... When trying to decide what album to play you find an album you haven't listened to a while and it ends up being the perfect choice.
... When professors for courses outside of the architecture school are lenient once they are aware you are an architecture student.
... When you tell someone in another school that you are architecture major and they automatically assume you have no social life
... When you have a non architect friend who wants to tag along to architecture parties because they know that architects have the best parties
... When you are the only sober person standing outside of the hot truck on a Friday/ Saturday night
... When you have a sign taped to your back that says do not disturb unless you are ordering food or handing out free blowjobs
... If it were possible to bartar sexual favors for production help, you would seriously consider pulling tricks
... You have given a final presentation with your fly open
... You try to do things to make your friend laugh while he is presenting
... You have layed flat out on the floor and gone to sleep during a review
... You have snored during a review
... When you skip classes because you have too much work to do
... When writing a paper seems impossible and completely foreign to you
... When you attempt to do a media project in lieu of a paper
... When you have an inexplicable mark running off your page because you fell asleep while drafting
... When you are able to fall asleep underneath a running shower head and you are completely sober
... When you wonder what it would be like to be in another major and the idea of going
Out three or more nights a week is unfathomable
... When you participate in a mad dash to the campus cafe at closing time for free coffee
.....you lose your eyesight and you gain backache and neck ache
...when people stop you in hallways and say "hey, I like your beard" and you realize that you haven't shaved in three projects
...when you start measuring all time segments in terms of "projects
...when you refer to your computer as your "significant other"
...when you have nicknames for all your tools
...when you talk to all your tools like they're "real people" and use their nicknames
...when taking "5" is going and making coffee, taking "a break" is running to the store to get more coffee beans and for every 6 hours of sleep you miss, you add a scoop to every pot of coffee you make
...when a triple shot espresso just doesn't have enough "kick"
...when you try to talk to another person and realize that you've invented your own language and nobody else understands you
...when Pink Floyd lyrics actually make sense
...when a 102 degree fever or strep throat is to you no excuse to miss a crit.

2010-02-03T19:09:00.004+08:00

2 more weeks and everything is going to be over... 2 months of madness is so gonna drive me up the wall, I swear. I seriously need to get my butt glue to the chair and start working on my P1 but that's so impossible. Definitely I also need lots and lots of confidence. ='( I always tend to feel that my model are shitty and always not good enough. Why arh why arh? Sighs, how I wish I can also produce nice and impressive work too. Darn.

Consultation: 4 & 5 Feb
Scheme review: 8 & 9 Feb
Submission of final model: 12 Feb
Submission of 2 A0 size storyboarding & design & process portfolios: 18Feb
What a shitty schedule.

No words can't describe my feelings now, I swear.
It just feel so sucky.
Suck to the bloody core.
Things aint going smooth at all, AGAIN...
And why is that so?
Cause I'm being pranked on, AGAIN...

I'm going to head out soon for a walk...
Cause I need a break badly now...
School, Home, Family, Friends, Work, Myself,
& You...
Everything is suffocating me...
I feel so breathless.
But you aint here right now by my side.
Where you went too?
Gonna ignore my work for now, AGAIN...

2010-02-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

My heart is breaking into tiny pieces again...
It's all because of you...
My tears just won't dry up and stop flowing...
Why??
It's all because of you again...

2010-01-29T02:50:00.004+08:00

This few days have been rather very fruitless. I have been staying at home doing my process portfolio that I "neglected" my model. (Not to say that I really stayed home, since I went to Orchard 2 days ago with babyboy. Bbbut, I really did stayed home yesterday!) But well, how am I suppose to do my model when I don't know how to translate it out into a actual thing from my imagination? If only we have those high tech machines and equipments which can visualise out our thoughts/imagination from there, and there is no need for model making... How great can that be? MARVELLOUS! *Slaps* Time to wake up and stop thinking about all these nonsensical things, Jingwen! Or maybe I should just sleep now and ask lecturer how to translate it out later as recommended by buddy. But that would really meant that I have been de-li-da-li-ing from Tuesday till now. Awww. Maybe I could just do a few sketches before I go to bed, I guess. *Winks*

I feel so happy and fortunate to have found you now...
No matter what the results turns out to be,
I will still love you...
So please be more optimistic, ok?
♥ babyboy

2010-01-27T16:52:00.002+08:00

Had been busy with P1 lately. P1 just sucks big core. I have no inspiration and there are tons of work load needed to be done. Tons of bloody re-doing model, 1 process portfolio, 1 design portfolio, sketches. This is crap shit, seriously. I got to speed up now and complete as many work as possible before the amount of work load increases, but I am never motivated to do work. :'(. I bet there are still autocad and storyboarding waiting for me in the near few weeks time. DAMN IT. I wonder why am I in this course, torturing myself with sleepless nights, never ending work loads, little time to spare for leisure, getting myself sick twice within a month and now my throat worsen. Of course not forgetting all those bull shit things I am being put into. I simply just love whining. So? It shows that I am stil childish but it does not even concern you. :)

Please get well...

2010-01-26T02:51:00.002+08:00

Why are things going out of hand now? It really makes me wonder. When I feel or thought that things were starting to go back on track, I than realized that it isn't at all. I just don't get it. Why is it always that fate loves to pull a prank. Why can't I achieve the best of both world? But now I really couldn't care much about the other stuff, besides "this". All I want now is your health, nothing else. Is it that difficult? I prayed every night for your health, but it seems like He couldn't hear my prayers... Sighs...

You people can never understand. You have totally no idea what I am going through, what I am thinking and feeling. So don't tell me that you "finally" know what type of person I am. Cause you are not being put through under the same situation I am in.

When We Get Hay-wired....

2009-12-09T18:39:00.003+08:00

Premonition Dream & Deja Vu

2009-12-07T03:18:00.013+08:00

I had 2 premonition dreams last year when I was 16. It did not make any sense back than, or even, I almost couldn't even remember having that kind of dreams. There isn't any scientific explanation for it and I wonder why. It was not until than, when we first got together and going for outings together, have I experienced deja vu of it. It wasn't ~~once~~ but twice. Yes, TWICE. Amazingly, I had dreams of you 1 year earlier before we actually met. In the dream, we are spending time happily together. Back than, I couldn't see your face clearly but now I could. Deja vu made me realized that it was you who I was spending time with happily and no one else. I know it's hard to believe, but yes it is the truth.

i love you
♥♥♥♥♥

2009-11-24T02:42:00.008+08:00

Since I have already finished my work, I've decided to upload some of the photos I have taken during my plant nursery trip. =). How I wish dear was there accompany me, see flowers! LOLS!

2009-11-19T18:48:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling very happy recently. Maybe that was because I was able to get to see you after so so long~~. =). Seeing you really helps brighten up my day and mood so much! I love you, my dear. =)

Lectures have become much more interesting as the type of styles changes after every period. But it get kinda boring as the styles become much more modern. Damn! Assignments are piling up as days goes by and I have yet to decide how I want my reflective journal to be. What a pain in the ass. Oh well, I'm gonna start reading about mdernism now. So gotta go off now.

Humans always think about how others upset them, rather than how they upset others. How pathetic. There isn't a point anyway.

2009-11-16T19:52:00.003+08:00

To you it always seems like I don't even care at all. No matter how much I cared for you, you always seem to not be able to sense or feel it. Or was it me who was not doing enough? I don't know, I really don't. You are currently so busy with your projects and stuff that I didn't even dare to disturb you. I was so afraid that it will affect your work. It have been days since we last met and spend time together properly. Don't you know how badly I misses you? Not only do I misses you, but at the same time, I am worried for you every minute. So worried that you will fall sick and neglect your health; skipping your meals and go on a hunger strike; staying up all day without sleeping or resting; doing reckless things which is dangerous. What must I do, in order for you to fully understand and feels it? What?!?! Sighs.

2009-11-13T19:14:00.012+08:00

Finally another block has ended. It ended very "un-beautifully", I swear. Cause my Drawing Essential is a dread. Hate it to the core like shit. It pisses me off so much in handing in uncompleted work. In addition, attendance is poor too. I already did my best in trying to finish all the work but it failed literally. _|_ BUT, I'm happy to have found myself a good teacher, serene sis, in drawing. Should I be pleased or pissed now? Now I wonders... Argh. All I can do now is pray that I don't fail this darn module. And finally, I can rest from all the sleepless week I previously had.With much appreciation to my baby, serene sis and friends. They accompanied me together with my work almost the whole night yesterday.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! *winks* I also learnt something from serene sis too.

In school, there is nobody you can trust. All your friends are fake and untrue.They bombards you anytime when you are at the most critical situations.You can't have any true friends from school but outside from school.

How true can this sentence get too? Unrealistically true.

The place I used to love so much has become a place that I dislike so much.
Where did the familiarity go?

2009-10-24T18:45:00.002+08:00

I shouldn't care so much after all...
It always get us into fights...
I fucking loathes it, I swear...

I'm vexed...

Fustration

2009-10-18T00:59:00.003+08:00

The thought of school starting tomorrow really made me feel damn turned off. I seriously wish for a longer holiday man. I'm in no mood for schooling, studying, assignments and everything. I'm still not ready yet... I really don't feel like going back to school and get myself screwed up again like I did for the previous semester. The feeling of getting screwed up is full of torture and frustration, I swear. I hate the way I am now, but it seems like I'm not able to do anything about it and get myself back on track. FUCKING FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF. OH, FUCK IT! _|_

2009-10-06T15:45:00.002+08:00

Had been staying home for the past 2 days. Rather bored and relief, I guess. Many things had happened for the past few days and it's very happening. Well, at least things starts t settled down a bit.

2009-10-03T01:51:00.001+08:00

For a moment, I feel sad...

2009-10-01T03:43:00.000+08:00

The sky is crying...

2009-09-30T20:49:00.003+08:00

I'm very relieved after knowing that you are safe.

Seriously...,

you have no idea how worried sick I was back then.

Don't do anything similar and stupid like that ever again,

you @#$%^&*!.

I love you

2009-09-30T02:01:00.004+08:00

Maybe I should have really gotten myself

knock down by that car the day before yesterday...

I'm feeling hurt now...

Hahas...

I just feel like crying now...

2009-09-29T05:27:00.003+08:00

Had been having holiday for the past one week! The feeling so absolute good! No more schooling, no more assignments, no more submission dateline, for the time moment only. Damn it! Haha. Have uploaded some of photos I have taken during the past 5months. There are supposed to be much more of them.... But my thumbdrive went missing, so are my photos. Enjoy.

Speechless Again

2009-09-19T03:04:00.001+08:00

For a moment, things get so screwed up again now.
I'm so gonna breakdown again.
Sighs. Why must all this happen to me?

Teachers' Day

2009-08-31T01:26:00.001+08:00

It's Teachers' Day and I didn't have the chance to go back to my secondary school. Had lessons in the early morning cum group meeting. Kind of misses some of my old school mates and some teachers too. Awww. Well, at least I had dinner with Ms Suhaila and my other 7 ex-classmates. =D. Ohh, and Ms Suhaila paid for our bills and even offer to give us a lift home too. How sweet of her?

The photos I had taken during my trip to East Coast Park. There are definitely a lot more, but I choose to upload only this. =X Enjoy the scenery.

Breathless

2009-08-31T01:13:00.007+08:00

Finally I am able to squeeze out little time to update this un-lively blog. 2DArFun and DADra had came to an end a week or so back than. Currently I'm having my new modules now, Environmental Elements and Materials and Finishes. It kind of irritates me, knowing that other schools are already on their holiday. Damn it, alright. This will be my last 2 modules before my holiday comes and I can't wait for my holidays, seriously. This is because I just simply hate those sleepless nights and working all day and night like a mad dog rushing for continuous submissions.

Away from that, I had been to Clarke Quay, Hort Park and St Mary Church for site visits. It was rather a fun trip, especially Hort Park and St Mary Church. The environment there feels very different and I don't mind going there again alone. =D. There are definitely photos taken BUT, only for St Mary Church. This is because of my carelessness, I left my camera and materials at home during the trip to Hort Park. Yes, very regretting.

Headed to East Coast Park with someone too. It was quite fun though we didn't do much besides collecting sea shells, enjoying the scenery and at the same time having a weird type of picnic for dinner by the beach at night!

Oh! I finally got a phone after my phone was spoiled for a month. Feeling so happy! Hahas! Ok, gonna cut the crap now and start uploading some picture.

This is all i could upload cause of the bloody blogger. It just won't load and it sucks! signing off

Screw IT & Fuck IT

2009-08-10T19:51:00.003+08:00

Things got screwed up today and it is in a total mess, a total disaster. Fuck it! Yes, FUCK IT! I am giving up on EVERYTHING! I'm so fucking sick of trying and changing. Trying and changing, trying and changing, trying and changing...! This is because, THINGS STILL DON'T WORK OUT RIGHT AT ALL! FUCK IT, ALRIGHT! FUCK EVERYTHING! Why am I always get involved in this kind of mess?!?! FUCK OFF!

I'm sorry ******.

Tired

2009-08-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

Finally decided to drag my lazy ass to update. =X. This few days had been busy with DADra and 2DArFun. =X. Had been skipping school recently too and it is gonna turn into a habit soon. Damn, I wanna go to school but I always tend to over sleep. zzz.

2DArFun is driving me crazy man! Sketching, painting, drawing! Screw it! ROARS! hahas! Oh well, going off now. =D

End of FormEx

2009-07-24T22:04:00.013+08:00

Didn't sleep on Thursday until today morning 2.30a.m.. Was supposed to take a short nap before continuing my assignment but I slept all the way to 8.45a.m.. And guess what? I almost late for my presentation at 9.40a.m.. Damn. Oh well, at least I managed to pull through all my assignments and handing it all up on time. Definitely not forgetting that, FormEx have finally ended! Three Cheers! Been having many sleepless night cause of this damn hectic module and I deserve a long good rest! Gonne say "bye bye" to FomEx and "Hello" to 2DArFun and DADra. Another hectic module. -.-. Ohhh, and and, I HATE WEARING FORMAL!

Pictures uploadedThat's LTKP Don't you think he look like a monkey?Ain't she adorable?
He look like some sort of a weirdo. =X

FormEx is so so driving me up the wall.

2009-07-19T13:50:00.005+08:00

I have

no motivation,

no sense of urgency,

still de li da li-ing

and most importantly

stuck with my model making for days.

Yet, I am wasting my time here blogging rather than screwing my fucked up brain for an idea for my model making.

OH, FUCK IT!

I don't like the way I am now.

So someone please,

screw some sense into my empty skull now, and motivate me to start workding already.

Baby, I wish you were right here with me now...

I miss you badly...

2009-07-16T02:12:00.001+08:00

SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME FROM DE LI DA LI-ING AND GET ME SERIOUS ALREADY!!

2009-07-15T01:03:00.004+08:00

Final assignment have already arrive and I am in no mood to do it at all! Not even for my assignments to be due this Thursday or my reflective journal. I feel so goddamn slack compared to my mates now, I don't know why. Knowing that time is little, I still aint working on my assignments and I am still de li da li-ing here and there. Seeing all my mates working so bloody hard for their assignments makes me feel like slapping myself hard on the face. Can someone please knock some senses into my empty skull and motivate me to start working already?

I WANNA DE LI DA LI~~

_l_

2009-07-14T00:26:00.006+08:00

Jasmine, I am here to wish you Happy Belated Birthday again!! You will always be our most adorable girl!

My Baby, Vanessa

Siyu & Jaden

Jasmine, Belnice, Me

Fiona, Me, Xiaoyi, Jasmine, Miaoyin

Xiaoyi, Me, Jasmine, Mirabel, Ameerah, Sherman

Shihui, Xiaoyi, Miaoyin, Mirabel & Eunice

Zack, Me & Pravin

Finally I was able to upload some of my photos. Definitely there is more to come. DE LI DA LI~~

2009-07-03T19:39:00.005+08:00

Finally school have started, awww. And I'm still on my holiday mood, seriously. 6 weeks of holiday is hard to come back, and its gone now. Damn it! Oh well, since now school has started, might as well get my hands busy and loose some more weight! =X.

First week of school is hectic and strange. Many of us aint used to going back to school, but now we are! Had been having so much fun with my mates, espcially lessons in studio for today. Hmmm, I really don't know what else should I post about. How about pictures? =X.

Well too bad! Blogger ain't co-operating with me. Damn it! I had loads of pictures to show case. Well, I guess till the other time than! Hahas! Ohh ohh, I LOVE MY BABY, VANESSA YEO! MUACKS! Sorry uhh baby, I can't spend time with you this few days. But I promise we will, very very soon! =DD.

2009-06-01T01:31:00.002+08:00

Gonna update soon! Stay tuned!

TOchenxinyi: HAHAS! yeah, i'm back. but still a little too lazy to update. =)
TOMINMIN: GIRLFRIEND!! I MISS YOU!! you seems to be alright now. anything don't forget you still can contact me, yeah? I LOVE YOU TONS TONS MAN!
TOvan;Bel;XIAOYI: linked and relinked!
TOevon: hello. hahas. ok ok. i will update soon soon! very lazy luhh!

2009-04-21T18:42:00.002+08:00

Well, I am now currently at my Dad's office using the computer. Just reached his place not long ago after lessons. Well, first day of school was definitely fun, made new friends and etc. First day of school and there is homework. Well, at least it can keep me busy now for the time being, even today there is also homework too! Well, at least the homework they gave today can keep me busy for the next 2 days before handing it up on Friday. Hectic life~

I should be glad to have homework for yesterday and today, since I'm not feeling okay right now. So homework can keep me... ..., BUSY BUSY BUSY! Well, gonna head out to the shopping centre afterwards to get my materials for tomorrow lessons before purchasing all the other materials from the Junior. And all the materials is so so gonna cost me a bomb. A total of 120 bucks man! Oh well, shall look forward in the lessons for the next 3 years! So yeah, CIAO~

2009-04-09T20:52:00.003+08:00

Hello earthlings! It had been ages since I last updated. Haven't been really sleeping well for the past few days and headaches is so gonna split my head and brain into several tiny cells, and panadol doesn't seems to have any effect on me at all since I am so used to eating them. How pathetic can I get too? Ah, I should stop ranting here and guess what I am gonna say next? I am gonna stop typing here and make another proper update another time! *LAUGHS*

2009-03-16T17:39:00.002+08:00

I suddenly happen to reminisce the past when I was on the way to Eunos on Bus 21 when I saw this 2 particular girls wearing the same design and pattern of clothes. It struck me at that point of time and I started to think back. In the past, I used to be like them too and definitely it was always fun. We spent our 3 years of friendship with many ups and downs. We never even once quarrelled before until than when I started to over react due to my over possessiveness and over protecting you. That is when things start to change so drastically. We stopped talking to each other with our nonsensical but funny talks, stopped sms-ing and calling each other, stopped meeting each other every morning and go to school together, stopped meeting each other every 30minutes during recess when schooling; stopped meeting each other to have lunch and go home together, stopped going out together to shopping or watching movies, stopped hanging out together with the rest wasting time, stopped looking and smiling to each other, etc. We behave just like a total stranger. Many things also happen in between the period when we totally stopped communicating with each other, example this particular person made me dislike and bad-mouth about you but still, I am still concerned about you just that my way of method expressing it to you is wrong. Even till now, I can still remember your presences every now and than even when you are not around. I know things had already resolved between us on that particular day, but sometimes even till now I also do wish that we can still be like in the past, doing all those things we used to do again. Oh well, it actually beats me a lot why I would actually write this whole chunk of paragraph down. Maybe I am just hoping that you might be able to accidentally read it and know about it, I don't really know what is my purpose of writing it down much either but it is just this strong urge to express it right here. Oh, I shall end all of my bull shit and stuff here but still congratulate you for getting into Pharmaceutical Science in Republic Polytechnic if I didn't get it wrongly. And remember to study, don't always do last minute work. =D

2009-03-02T17:08:00.003+08:00

Oh, I am so lazy to update my blog as you can see from my entry. So SOMEONE, please tell me what to update about, pretty please?

to XUELING:hahas !! thanks oh, 岳母!
to tianying:hahas! why so careless?? than when you will get your phone back?
to elizabeth:gonna link you up soon soon!! =D
to huihui xD: sian. when will you be free?? i wanna an outing badly!! aww~~
to [❥] QianLing:hees. thanks ohh jie, for your concern. hahas. ok ok. i will update you every now and than. misses jie too!

2009-02-07T23:55:00.010+08:00

Ohh, I decided to upload something interesting even though this incident happened quite sometime ago. I got this from my Friendster account and I somehow or rather feel that I am kind of evil. *A pair of horns appearing above my head. Smirking* Click the pictures for a larger view. Take noe of the person "叫我Ryan".

Ohh well, gonna stop here for now. Ciao!

PISSED

2009-01-25T01:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes YOU just get on my nerves so so much. Sometimes I really wonder if you actually knows. If YOU thinks that everybody around my age,except me, is good little angel; smart and always top in school; stays home 24/7 throughout the whole of 365 days, why not YOU ask them to be YOUR child? I'm so fucking pissed by you. And I would love it not having to call YOU "Mother", cause I don't even think I'm YOUR child. I mean, will all mothers compare their child with other people's child whenever they can? Will all mothers discourage their child saying they are stupid, useless, worthless trash? Will all mothers say things and do things differently to their child?(Saying nice things and do hurtful things) Will all mothers give their child a fucking black face every time and scolds them unreasonably?

Well, all my answers is a fucking YES. And hey, that does not only include my "Mother", but my "Dad" too. When you knew my 'O' Level results weren't so fantastic, instead of me, like any other parents, all I could heard is "Fail very badly is it? Studying ITE already la!" What the fuck?! Please, with that fucking score I can still can get into a Polytechnic. And if YOU think studying is so god damn easy, why not YOU try it YOURSELF? Get top throughout the whole of Singapore?! Stayed home 24/7 throughout the whole of 365 days, looking after that precious son of YOURS. All YOU can do is talk big, than why not YOU try go be a millionaire? And I'm so gonna say, YOU are so not gonna earn enough money. YOU got such a serious attitude and character problem, who wanna work with and for YOU? How about that?

UNREASONABLE FUCKING PARENTS. PUSH ME FURTHER OVER MY LIMITS AND YOU GET ME CRAZY. AND WE SHALL SEE, WHO IS GONNA BE AT THE LOSING END. FUCK OFF, MAN!